When I set this blog up, the intention was never to talk about me... my thoughts, my interests of course, but I didn't want it to be one of those 'up their own arse' style blogs I've had the misfortune to read, with riveting posts that include such bombshells as "I had beans on toast for me tea today.." I find it kinda insulting that people think others may actually be interested in every last detail of their hum-drum world. With this is mind, I wonder if you'd grant me a day off and allow me a self centred post...
My first child, Thomas, was born this week, and man, what an experience! A dig in the ribs just before 4am was the rude awakening that something was happening, and by 10am he was here! Those 6 hours (which at times seemed like weeks, and at others seemed to fly by in seconds) included some of the most amazing emotions I've experience in my whole life. From the 'lows' of worry, distress and feeling helpless, as you see your partner in such pain, to the unrivalled 'high' of seeing the little fella take his first breath. A real roller-coater!
But y'know I'll be honest... although desperate to become a father, in the lead up to the big event a few doubts started to creep in, and I started to worry about how our new addition would change my life. I'm sure everyone goes throught the same thing, but the nearer it got, the more i worried...
Loss of freedom: 35 years on from buying my first 'record', and more than 25 years on from my first gig, my enthusiasm for music (and in particular LIVE music) is as passionate as ever. How was having a child going to affect our lifestyle of giggin' and liggin'? After a lifetime of being able to drop everything and head off for a last minute show in London, how easy would it be to come to terms with the loss of this freedom? something that was always taken for granted in the past. We put a block on gigs from mid-October onwards, and it was incredible how the floodgate of 'quality gigs' seemed to immediately open from that point onwards! Even the Sex Pistols reformed for November, just to try and piss us off a bit more! The frustration of not being able to book up shows I wanted to go to was very odd and very real.
Lack of money: I've been worrying a lot about how we will manage, especially as my partner, Julie, will be taking un-paid leave for a while, followed by returning to work 'part-time' at best. Will we still manage? and will I still be able to keep up my 20+ a month habbit (CD's that is!)? I have untreated book and DVD addictions, and numerous comic subscriptions to support!
But the second the little chap arrived none of that seemed to matter any more. It's like my brain instantly re-prioritised my life.... Of course it will change your life, it's MEANT to change your life! It's no longer about me and Julie, it's about us as a family.
I'm looking forward to the future like never before - and i know without a doubt, whatever sacrifices I\we have to make, they will be re-payed ten-fold by the joy our new arrival is already bringing.
If you got this far, thanks for sticking with it! Normal service will now be resumed, and there are some exciting articles in the pipeline, an exclusive interview with up and coming indie band Silvery (see last weeks post to hear them), and some fantastic 'guest editor' slots on the way.
Commando issues 5055-5058
3 hours ago